Sunday, September 18, 2011

We Plan and God Laughs

I had the full realization this week that I can plan to my hearts content, but if it's not in God's plan then I am just wasting my time.  I will be the first one to admit I am a planner.  I love to make lists and organize things and keep a neat calendar, it keeps me sane.  Its not that I don't trust God, but for some reason I just feel the need to have everything planned. 
A few months ago yall read that Frank and I had decided not to have any more children, but to focus attention on the 2 we have and on therapy for Thomas.  We prayed and thought this was the way God was leading us.  If I am completely honest at the time I still really wanted to have a baby and my prayer was that if it was meant to be God would soften Frank's heart to having another child.  But we agreed right now was not a good time to plan a baby when Lily and Thomas needed us so much.  Now I can picture God just sitting up there saying, "You have no idea what I have planned for you!" 
On Tuesday morning of this week, much to our surprise Frank and I found out we were going to have another baby.  We were shocked, and excited, and overwhelmed!  This was a complete surprise to us, but not to Him.  He has always had this baby planned for us, just as he had Lily and Thomas planned for us.  A baby is a blessing, even when it is not our plan it was His plan from the beginning.  And we know that all He does is good. 
We are all very excited.  This week seems to have gone in slow motion!  Lily is so excited to be a big sister and I think she has told every teacher and staff member at her school!  Thomas doesn't really understand what is going on, but I am sure he will before the baby is born.  Frank and I are also very excited, a little afraid because the kids will outnumber us! For some reason I feel like I am already behind in my planning!  Like the baby is going to be here next week or something!  Told yall I was a planner!  I don't necessarily think being a planner is a bad thing as long as you understand ultimately God is in control.  We know God loves us and this baby is a wonderful blessing!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Advocate vs. Enabling

A week ago I had a very dear friend that gently let me know I was enabling Thomas. I tried not to get defensive because after all I had ask her if I was enabling. I felt very strongly I was his biggest advocate and just making the world just a little more user friendly for him. But in fact I was only teaching him that the rules didn't always apply to him and mommy would always take care of it. I took a week to let this sink in and plan a course of action.
This morning I got up and put my stubborn panties on and T apparently donned his stubborn diaper unbeknownst to me! About 9:30 it was time to leave for the grocery store, not my favorite chore, but it had to be done. I told T he couldn't take his cars or his backpack and needed to put them in his room. Well he quickly informed me he was taking them with him and this is where the fun begins! After about 10 minutes of following me around the house, throwing himself on the floor and screaming he decided he wasn't going to win and decided to put his backpack in his room. I left for the store with a sense of accomplishment, Mommy-1, Thomas-0! Yay, my common sense told me from here on out the fits would get shorter and I can handle a 10 minute fit here and there! So I cockily posted on FB I had won this battle, yay me! Off to the grocery store we go. All the way there I am preparing T that he will have to ride in the front of the buggy, he prefers the back, but I had so much to get that he wouldn't fit. He tells me "ok mommy". Well apparently between the car and the front door he had a complete change of heart! I try to put him in the buggy and he starts screaming. So remind him we are riding in the front, and he loudly squeals like a pig! SO I sit down in the lobby of walmart and tell him I will wait. He screams and cries and I point out every child that passes that is riding in the front of the buggy (and pretend not to see the ones in the back of the buggy!), we talk about all the people looking at him because he is screaming like I'm pulling his nails out and the occasional old man tries to talk to him only to have his volume increased. After 50 minutes of this, yes 5-0 he tells me he is ready to get in the front of the buggy. Once I lift him up he changes his mind and starts kicking, at this point I decide he is going in the buggy. So in he goes and buckled and we pass a little old lady who scowls at him and shakes her finger, I couldn't help but laugh! Mommy-2, Thomas-0 Yay me! So I'm exhausted, but so excited that I have held out. Finally as we are finishing up we get our cookie and he decides 1 is not enough, he wants 3. And back comes the squealing pig! He screamed the rest of the time we are in the store and checking out. Mommy-3, Thomas-0.
So what have I learned from today, he is one stubborn little boy and it is going to be a long road. But there is a fine line between Thomas problems and being a brat. I never want him to use this as a crutch so I have to stop making life easier for him. We will continue play therapy and working with him, but I am adopting a no tolerance policy in my house. All rules that apply to Lily also apply to him. We are not going to work our family around his problems/attitude any longer; we are going to work on his problems so he can be a contributing member of our family. I am sure this is not going to be convenient or easy, but this is what is best for all of us in the long run.
Please pray for us: me-patience, Thomas-obedience